My apartment
Gets late evening sunlight
For 15 minutes
As the sun bounces off
A third story window
Directly into my face
As I sit at my table writing
That or
My neighbor
Owns the sun
Keeps it locked up
In their room
And shares it with me
When they feel
I am following my calling

You asked me about
Tacos
But your strong shoulders
And stubble
Wrapped my mind
In a memory of feelings
I didn’t know
I was clinging to
There was confusion in your eyes
As my face closed off
Unconsciously attempting to protect myself
Chicken, beef, sweet potato.
No.
Cold shoulder.

The pain
I could see
Reflected back to me
In your eyes
Meant
You are willing
To drag your
Well being
Over this mountain
With me
I gladly work harder
For this love

I would clean his house
Do his dishes
Because the mess
Meant we didn’t care
He wouldn’t do it
And I disliked conflict so much
I wouldn’t want to fight
And start thinking
Would rather
Turn off my brain
And live in a fake
Peaceful reality
Where I didn’t even know
I had true feelings
And thought my chest filling with acid
Was a normal feeling to have
About the future
The distractions of
Alcohol and vacations
Were enough to live for
Until I woke up

I am grateful
For the hair
That grew me out
Of normal
Inching me into other
The stubborn sprouts
That made me feel
Unlovable
And helpless
That gave me an outsider’s perspective
All around my lips
Pointing out my chin
Tucked into my neck
Screaming from the edges of my underwear
Poking out of the straps on my sandals
Curtaining my belly button
Standing strong under my arms
All creeping reminders
I don’t neatly fit the mold
What once
Stole my voice
Is now my inspiration and strength
The rules don’t apply to me

A sturdy empty frame
Looking to others
To do the eye-catching dance moves
To fill his life
With meaning

I know
There is something
I am supposed to learn
From the way
My soul
Screams out in warmth
When it sees yours
But I am afraid
You are too removed
From your truth
To admit
There is a force
Trying to pull us together
Maybe that
Is the lesson

I want to be
The mist
That escapes
Off the waterfall
Light enough
To float
Up above the trees
The drops of water
Who thought a waterfall
Was not enough
Adventure
The drops in pursuit
Of an intense free

The thing you are holding back
About yourself
Is not about you
It’s about the person
Beside you
Who is too afraid
To speak
By hiding yourself
You are encouraging them
To do the same

We would each
Endure a waterfall
For the other
To propel
Your mist
Up into the sky
To support your freedom