I lay a beach towel
Over a history
My privilege prevented me
From having to understand
Pretending life on top of the towel
Was all that existed
But not being able
To venture too far off the towel
Because I would see things
That crushed the farce

Racism
Is in the way I
We
Only accept the Good
Parts of ourselves
Deny the negative
Need people of color
To exist as the Bad parts
Because we can’t accept
Those parts of ourselves

I am going to run in the basement
When we get home
I tell her

I instantly feel better
Both because
Of the change in subject
And because I have found
My shield

I grew up
Running
To numb myself
Or was it
To wake myself up
From all the numbing
The forgetting
How I felt
To be what they wanted

Running has never
Just been exercise for me
It is coping
It is freedom
It is my path to access my shine