He has
Built a plastic
Armor
Skyline
Around his
Goodness
For people to
Recognize him
As a success
But the act
Has left an
Injured look in his eyes
So that I know
The good is still
There.

I saw you
And I saw a mirror
Reflecting
The light I know in me
Right back
The bigger I smiled in recognition
The brighter you got

Be the
Warm magic
That makes
Someone else
Feel safe

Your memory
Lies somewhere
In the lines
Around my eyes
That come out
When I smile

You make me excited
To age
For the day
I am reminded of you
Each time I peer
At my reflection

It never felt
Like it was meant
For me
The whole place
Felt masculine
Only because it was
Full of men
Made by men
They were not trying
To exclude me
But it is impossible
To be your full self
When part of your
Identity
Has no place to exist
In your current setting
I acted smaller
Because
I could feel the pressure
Pushing down my neck
My expressions
My ideas
Were just shadows
Of what
They could have been
If I was able to be
My whole self
All the time

These words on paper
Are my cozy fireplace
On a cold night
Where my mind
Feels at home

Y’all
Think you know more
And I hate listening
To you talk
I can feel
My pre-conditioned mind
Turning into docile mush
Because of the deep
Timber
In your voice
And hate myself for it
You take me to the dark place
Where I was trapped and had no sight
On my dreams
So I avoid you
To make sure
I am following
My own voice
Until I am strong enough
To never go back
To the dark place

Stuck in our boxes
Trying to imitate the
Shadow of perfection
Just out of sight
All struggling
Endlessly
Forgetting
The person on the other
Side of the wall
Is going through
The same
Thing

I no longer
Use the word
Quiet
To describe people.

I was told
I was quiet
So often
I believed it.
Thought the words
Floating around in my head
Were in everyone’s head.
And my voice
Was not worthy
Of pulling them out.

The quiet
Started
When the world did not feel safe.

Thought I did not have a right
To add words to
A world not meant for me.

The quiet continued
When people told me my identity
Required
The words to remain bottled up in my head.

The truth
In my head
Has always been the most me
There is.
Both the world
And I
Suffer
By holding it back.

Now
When I notice
Someone
Who is not talking
I hold my tongue
When the qu tries to come out.
I put myself in their shoes
What is making them
Feel
Unsafe.

My teasing
Hurts you
When his rolls off your back
Because
Your definition of manliness
Requires my affection
And respect.

My affection only lasts
As long as it is free.
The minute you try to
Possess it,
To form it into the mold of woman
You want
It crumbles.

My respect is reserved
For people
Who don’t
Cage others
To feel strong.

Until you understand
These things
You can never
Be humanly
In my eyes.