The weight of capitalism
Enforcing society’s expectations
On this space
Stops me from feeling free
Without alcohol to blind me
I am fully aware of this bondage
I feel its pressure
Preventing my head from turning
To peer into your face

I can’t start dancing with you
When your embrace
Means a cage
And the thing I spend my life chasing
Is feeling free

I try to forget the atmosphere
And think about our movements
As a conversation
I become curious
How your body
Might answer mine

But this room is so tilted
In favor of men
And their wallets
I can’t help but suspect
Advantage will be taken
Of any opening I give
And I’m not yet strong enough
To detangle
The implanted social rules
In my brain
Once I let you have
A little power
I will cower in respect for it

Better to let
This beat alone
Take control of my body
And let my soul soar
Without the chance
Of getting twisted up
In another’s beauty or prison

She sat on the stage
And wove tapestries
Out of thin air
Words forming intricate designs
That disappeared
As quickly as the light
Leftover from sparklers

You couldn’t take your eyes off her
For fear
You would either
Miss a masterpiece
Or she would set off
An explosion

Accepting your dislike
For something
Is the first step
To empowerment

The second
Is exploring why you dislike it
Which liberates you from
Being ruled by the emotion

The last step
Is using your knowledge
To prevent others
From feeling trapped
By the same thing

I can see the
Idea sitting here
Tangling my tongue
Into silence

That for a woman
Giving an opinion
Sharing some of the magic
In her chest
Takes away
From her power
Which she has been taught
To believe
Lies in how desirable
She is
To men
Therefore she feels
Speaking up takes away her power
When it actually does the opposite

Examine that negativity
That is grid locking your tongue
And putting a thousand pound weight
On your chest
Making the air you inhale
Feel like it is full
Of tiny pin prick crystals
That will inbed in your lungs
Like asbestos
And ruin your future
Know that reality
Exists only in your chest
The person next to you
Is not experiencing it

I have noticed
The power in weakness
Is twofold

It allows the weak
To notice their oppressor
Absorb every detail
So that the weak know the powerful
When the powerful have not bothered to notice
The inferior

It also
Creates a bond
Among the oppressed
The strong
Do not get to know

The crucial step
Is for the weak
To understand the power they have gained

You start
Changing culture
The minute
You start speaking
So think hard
Make up your mind
On how you want
To contribute
And then
Be loud

How my heart soars
When I can feel
A man noticing me
I try to be built
On sturdier foundation
Don’t need a man
But want one
Am in love with life itself
Not waiting around
For him to come save me
But what is this
Elation
Almost hysteria
When he notices me
A second too long
His face lights up
When I walk in the room
He looks at me
With understanding
Knitted through his brow
A little awe
Etched in there too
I sit back
Enjoying the bliss
Of being desired
Rather than living
And getting to know him more
As if my prize
Was simply knowing I have
A power over him

I don’t want that power
Unless I want him
For how he makes me feel free
For his lack of stereotypical manliness
For his drive to tie up and repair
The frayed edges of humanity

My heart soaring exposes
The deep-rooted social implant
In my brain
That my goal in life
Is to be taken care of
By a man
I’m working on dissecting and removing it
Sometimes my heart says
I want him
Without a doubt
Sometimes my heart is
A vain power hungry beast
Waiting
For a free ticket
And sometimes my heart
Is soft and strong
At the same time
Soft in admiration
Strong in protecting his
Goodness
I’m looking
For the
I want him
And soft and strong
At the same time

Treating people
With the cold loneliness
You are swimming in
You have grown thick skin
And decided coldness
Is the only way to live
Other people
Who have not yet acquired
Your strength for the cold
Are failures in your eyes

You throw ice daggers
At them
As you impose your hard-earned prize
Power over them
Making them sink further
Down
And less likely
To add their gift as
A contribution
To humanity

You don’t realize
There’s another way to live
Where you
Use your own mind
Your unique brand of light
And warmth
To succeed and
To connect to everyone
So that you don’t have
To get mad at the world
For the cold loneliness

My new dentist asks me if I grind my teeth
Not on purpose I say
It must be while you sleep
The motion releases a soothing chemical in your brain

I know this must be true
That even as I sleep I can’t
Comfortably fit into the mold of normal
The edges that stick out the sides of the mold
Are the things that make
Teeth grind
Hair twirl
Skin pick
Feet rub
Hands tap
Lips bit

My body knows my mind is never at home
And it is trying to reassure it
Everything is ok
I am enough
I am home everywhere I walk
Other people’s opinions
Are not cages
That can trap you and take away your freedom
You are in control of all this

Twirled my hair
As long
As I remember
So much that I don’t control
When I do it
My body just starts on auto pilot
3 decades of entwining strands
Between my fingers
Because the feel
Of the smooth straight
Reassures me that my body and my mind
Are mine
When around others
I curl my fingers
Up through my hair
Onto my scalp
To remind my body
To relax
I still belong to myself
Other people’s opinions
Are not cages that can trap me
And take away my freedom